True Beauty: Part 1

Femininity and beauty is a topic that has been on my mind lately. I will probably have to break it up into several different blogs, but today I wanted to start sharing my thoughts starting with my background.

I was raised in a family of all girls, so naturally I grew up with people expecting me to act like a lady. That's the first mistake. What exactly does "act like a lady" mean? The keyword in that sentence being "act". I was a tomboy, so this acting didn't always come east to me. I prefered mud, fishing, and camo over sparkles, playing princess, and pink. In all honesty I despised pink. I associated it with girly things, and girly girls wern't interested in playing FBI with me so yeah, you get it. I went through a stage of army camo, and never doing much with my apperance. I wasn't what you'd consider ladylike on the outside. My mom, bless her heart, really didn't enjoy this stage. She wanted me back in frilly dresses, even though I pitched a royal fit everytime she forced me into one. (It was quite humorous, actually.) The truth though, I was confident. It wasn't until people implied that I shouldn't be that way that I started struggling with insecurity. Then the memories of being called fat and ugly were starting to hurt for the first time. I wanted so bad to be pretty, When people told me I was pretty, I was so convinced that they didn't mean it.

I was for sure a girl, I had the raging hormones that came with it. Romance books, movies, and weddings, that was my interests. On the outside I was a 13 year old who didn't know how to fix her hair, and make up was a forgein concept. (I wore ribbons though) Not to mention, I was overweight. My friends began to have boys show interest in them, and I became convinced that since I didn't have that interest from the opposite sex I was an ugly fat girl. You can imagine what this brought on, constant trying to improve myself. I was glad I started to care more about how I looked, but I was still so unconfident with my body, self, and face. This lasted up until late teens and grew into negative self talk/no confidence, then grew to depression, then grew to eating, which then I grew! Then the viscious cycle started all over again. I would constantly change hair styles, try diets, and hide. I hid behind food, romantic books and movies, other people, t-shirts and jeans (disclaimer..nothing wrong with t-shirts and jeans. Every southern girl thanks God for them.), and as much as I hate to admit it I got into some secret sins that did nothing but create more bondage. I was a wreck. Now I am going to bring it back to the top, I felt like I had to "act" lady like. The sad fact though, it didn't work. I was ashamed. Even up to a year ago I was being told "You need to be more feminine. You need to try harder. You need to watch what you eat"  I thought the only way for me to be a feminine young lady was to be girly. That's not who I was. As time progressed it dawned on me that I was a lady. The inside was what made me a lady. I was created with a gentle heart, I am wired like every other woman, I desire love, I want to be wanted, I was made in God's image and carry an aspect of His beauty. Being a lady is a matter of the heart, and once I became comfortable with that confidence starting coming out. I know who I am in Christ. I feel beauty because I am made in the image of the most beautiful thing in all of the universe. The thought of that leads me to want to take care of my body, present myself well, and show love and grace to everyone. I feel as if though God has really captured my heart, and whispers to it what he expects of me, and what he thinks of me. Let me tell you, it is so much better than what the world screams at me. I enjoy dressing more feminine now that I am more confident of who I am, I enjoy doing things with the girls, and I can still be Leah. I can still frog gig, hunt, fish, drive a truck, wear camo, and be beautiful because being a lady goes beyond appearance.

.fem·i·nin·i·ty

ˌfeməˈninədē/

noun

1. the quality of being female; womanliness.

   
   

   
   

   synonyms:

   womanliness, feminineness, womanly qualities, feminine qualities "she was a woman truly comfortable with her femininity"

 I thank God that he made me to be a girl. We really do have more fun. ;)